


Post Secret

by HeyYousGuys



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Best Friends, Homophobic John Winchester, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 15:20:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4671533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyYousGuys/pseuds/HeyYousGuys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Supernatural AU) </p><p>After years of reading Post Secrets every Sunday, 18 yr old Castiel finally works up the nerve to send in his own: an admission of the fact that he's in love with his best friend Dean. Cas never imagined that his secret would actually be posted, let alone that Dean would actually see it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Memorial Day weekend, Friday Night

**Author's Note:**

> The length of each chapter varies widely. This is intentional. It's meant to signify the passing of time and how fragmented time can seem.

FRIDAY NIGHT

Castiel clicked away on his laptop, enjoying an evening to himself. He was home alone for the first time in his life. As much as his parents had suggested he reconsider and come with the rest of the family on vacation, Castiel had stood firm in his decision. He wanted to just be alone with nothing but silence surrounding him. In a family with 2 parents, a live-in uncle, and 8 siblings, Castiel never felt like he had privacy or peace. His parents understood his decision and they trusted him because of his track record of good behavior, so they ultimately decided it was okay for him to stay home while they took off for the Memorial Day weekend. Castiel had the entire weekend to do as his heart pleased.

Castiel had somehow found his way outside, sitting on the back deck that overlooked their large, beautiful property. Normally, he would come sit out here to look at the woods just beyond their property line. But, now, he realized that it was only because he’d wanted some sort of peace. Having the house to himself for the past 7 hours, Castiel now found himself a little too peaceful, a little bored even. He needed something to distract himself from the oppressive silence that was threatening to drive him crazy.

Knowing that he was alone, he decided to indulge in one of his favorite guilty pleasures. He closed the word document he had been typing and opened up his web browser. He typed in the familiar address and waited. He had heard about Post Secret a couple of years ago from his older brother Gabriel. It had become almost an obsession with him. He didn’t know why he hid it from people, no one would really care and it wasn’t like he was doing anything wrong, but there was a certain air of fun in keeping the secret that he read other peoples’ secrets.

A few weeks ago, he had finally found the courage to send in his own post secret. He had wanted to send it in for over 2 years, but he was so afraid of the astronomically slim chance that someone he knew would see it and that they would figure out it was him. But the chances of that were so miniscule that Castiel had finally talked himself into it. He had selected the perfect card stock, painted it just the way he wanted it, and then locked himself in the bathroom as he wrote his secret in permanent marker. 

Permanent. Meaning it wouldn’t fade, wouldn’t go away. Exactly like his secret. He had kept this secret for nearly four years and it ate away at him every day. He was fairly certain he would wake up one day to find himself locked in the psych ward, his secret finally overtaking him and breaking his mind in the process. He had spent four years in silence and it had felt so good to get it off of his chest, even if it was an anonymous postcard sent to an art project. However, the day after he had sent it, his emotions began surging and his secret had become even harder to fight back. Something about having it out in the open made it harder to now keep it inside.

As he browsed the week’s secrets, he didn’t quite hear the squeak of the side gate that led to their backyard. He scrolled down a bit, still oblivious to the person approaching him. His jaw dropped open when he saw his postcard on this week’s Sunday Secrets. His thoughts raced, constantly ducking into the realm of ‘what if’. Cas stared at the screen in disbelief and read his own words over and over. He was none-the-wiser when Dean walked up behind him and looked over his shoulder.

“What’s that?” Dean’s voice boomed in Cas’s ear, startling him out of his secret fetish and into reality. Cas hadn’t even noticed that Dean had come onto the deck and was now reading over his shoulder. Cas quickly snapped around, forgetting to shut his laptop in the process.

“Huh?” Cas said, his heart racing. He could hear its beat thumping loudly in his ears. He swallowed hard, in a vain effort to control his panic. His fear was coming true.

“I was just curious as to what Post Secret dot com is.” Dean added, leaning in to look at the screen.

“Oh… uhh…” Cas whirled around and snapped his laptop shut. “It’s nothing. Just this art project thingy that I’ve been following online. It’s a silly little curiosity of mine. No big deal.” Castiel laughed nervously.

“Okay Cas, calm down.” Dean shot him a look that made Castiel question his own sanity. Maybe that room with the padded walls wasn’t so far off after all. Cas turned his back to Dean and prayed that the redness in his cheeks would go away soon.

“Sorry, you just scared me.” Cas offered a fake explanation. “I thought I was alone. I didn’t expect you to come sneaking into my backyard.”

“I rang your doorbell like fifteen times, dude. And I shouted your name before I came back here.”

“Oh. I… I must have been distracted.” Cas said, still not turning around. He put a hand to his cheek and felt it burning. ‘Come on, Cas. You’re acting like an idiot,’ he told himself.

“So? Just you here? Where’s the whole fam damily?” Dean asked nonchalantly.

“They went to visit Aunt Hester for the holiday weekend.”

“And they left you alone for the weekend?! Dude! Party at the Novaks!” 

“Ha ha, Dean!” Cas replied, his voice surprisingly even for how panicked he still felt.

“So, dude, you up for some food?”

“What?”

“I thought maybe we could go out tonight, to the roadhouse. I mean you have the weekend to yourself, right? No plans? Let’s hit up the roadhouse and see if we can sucker Jo into giving us a discount.” Cas always hated asking for favors from his friends. Even though Jo’s mom loved Cas and Dean and always gave them a discount, Cas felt like he was taking advantage. But Jo’s mom, Ellen, always told Cas that it was just a small repayment for all of the help Cas had given Jo in algebra in middle school. 

“Yeah. Okay. Sure.” An awkward silence fell between them. Cas had no idea why he was acting so suspiciously. Dean hadn’t said anything to indicate that he had seen the secret posted on the website. And even if he did, it’s not like he knew Cas was the one who sent it in. Right?

“So? You? Me? Roadhouse?” Dean over-exaggerated a wink and nudged the air next to him.

“Okay, calm down Sport-O, I’ll go with you.” In all reality, Cas wasn’t as reluctant to go as he seemed. In fact, he was more than eager to go. Guys’ night out! A smile danced at the corner of his mouth but Cas fought it back.

“Sweet! Meet you back here in an hour, dude!” Dean said, hopping off of the deck instead of using the stairs like a civilized human being. Cas just rolled his eyes and sighed. 

\- - - - -

“Wow,” Dean said, walking in the door that Cas was holding open for him, “looks like someone’s hoping to get laid tonight.” He joked, mocking Cas for changing into nicer clothes and putting on some cologne.

"Ha ha.” Cas retorted, self-consciously checking his appearance in the decorative mirror that hung on the wall.

“You actually ready or are you going to make me wait around in your living room like some kid on prom night?” Dean joked.

Cas smiled uneasily. He knew Dean was only joking, but the joke hit way too close to reality. “Ready as I’ll ever be!” he chimed cheerily, secretly fighting the butterflies that were flapping inside of his stomach. He grabbed his coat and double-checked that he had his keys before following Dean out the door.

As Dean went ahead to the Impala, Cas made sure to lock up the house. He took one lingering look at his house, thought seriously about just running back inside and locking the door, then sighed heavily and continued out to the car to join Dean. His secret was eating away at him even more than ever and he longed for a way to escape it.

\- - - - - 

“You’re awfully quiet tonight, Cas,” Dean commented.

“Yeah, well… you know,” Cas wanted to facepalm himself for not having anything more intelligent to explain his behavior.

“Okay,” Dean laughed, “sure.” They rode a little ways in silence, Cas shifting uncomfortably every few seconds. The tension was so thick in the car that Cas secretly hoped it would choke him and he would be free of his secret. 

\- - - - -

“So I checked out that website you were looking at earlier,” Cas froze at Dean’s words. Dean looked to him for a response, but got none. “That stuff’s pretty cool.”

“Oh yeah?” Cas said, visibly relaxing.

“Yeah. It’s kind of cool to read what people write in. It shows that you’re not alone in your secrets.” From across the seat, Dean beamed at Cas.

“What do you mean?” Castiel shifted so he could face Dean.

“Well, these people write in because they feel guilty,” Dean replied, eyes still focused on the road ahead of him. “I mean, everyone has secrets but people take offense that their loved ones don’t open up to them and share all their secrets. But reading those post cards, it made me think that maybe our secrets aren’t as horrible as we think. I mean, people can identify with some of the secrets that get sent in. And then it validates your secrets and makes you realize that you’re not alone and that other people feel the same way. And that, maybe, if people didn’t keep secrets, the world would be less convoluted and people would actually be able to say what they want to say.” 

“Dean? Is something bothering you?”

“What do you mean?” Castiel could see that it was now Dean who was tensing up. “You got off on a weird tangent there.”

“Oh. No. Nothing’s wrong.” Dean paused. “Why? Should something be wrong?”

“I don’t know…” Castiel shifted to face forward, unable to look at Dean. “Should it?”

“No.” Dean squirmed. “Should it?”

“You already asked that.”

“Yeah,” Dean’s knuckled tightened on the steering wheel. “I did.”

The rest of their drive to the roadhouse was spent in an even more uncomfortable silence.

\- - - - - 

Jo had seated them at a small booth in the corner, away from the main crowd. As she had walked away, she winked slyly at Cas. Cas felt like his secret was screaming from his every pore. Did everyone know?!

\- - - - - 

For nearly ten minutes, both Dean and Cas looked around, focusing on anything but each other. The only time either of them had spoken was when they had ordered their food. It was the most uncomfortable string of moments they had spent together. Moments like these don’t happen to best friends, but they were happening to Dean and Cas now.

“Good song,” Cas piped up.

“Yeah, good song.” Dean replied, drumming his fingers on the table in front of them. 

Another uncomfortable silence fell onto them, threatening to crush them both with its weight. 

\- - - - - 

Cas couldn’t stand it anymore, he had to say something, he had to stop this unbearable awkwardness between them and get to the root of the problem. “Dean, we need to talk.” Cas said firmly.

“About what man?” Dean kept his tone cool and casual. Cas didn’t want cool and casual, he wanted honest and open. 

“About whatever it is that has wedged itself between us tonight. This silence is unbearable. And don’t tell me that you don’t feel the awkwardness between us. It’s like this invisible third person choking the life out of the evening.”

“That’s mighty eloquent of you, Cas. Are you taking poetry lessons?” Dean quipped.

“Don’t change the subject, what’s going on?” Cas demanded.

Dean sighed heavily and shifted in his seat again. He looked over at the dance floor, then the bar, then the TV broadcasting Sports Center. “I think we need to have our food packed up to go and get out of here.”

“Dean, we need to deal with-“

“I know Cas,” Dean cut him off, his voice insistent. “We need to get out of here and go somewhere where we can talk. Somewhere where we can be alone.” Castiel smiled on the inside but kept his calm demeanor on the outside. They were going to talk and get past the awkwardness of the evening.

As they were paying for the food, it hit Cas, right in the gut: he was going to have to share his secret with Dean before it destroyed the both of them. Although the secret in and of itself could easily destroy them as well. But Cas had backed himself into a corner and had no choice. This was the ultimate catch-22. There was no easy way out. The resolve that Cas had found before was quickly dissipating, leaving nothing but doubt and fear in its place.

He threw several bucks on the table, a tip for Jo, and walked out to the car, with Dean just a few steps behind him.

\- - - - - 

 

“Where am I going?” Dean asked, pulling out of the parking lot. 

“Anywhere,” Cas replied.

“So… my place or yours?” Dean asked.

Cas squirmed at the phrase that was generally thought to be a pick-up line. “What?”

“Well, my parents took Sam to some art show thingy he’s been dying to go to down in Texas. So I figured since we both have our houses to ourselves for the weekend, that maybe we could go to one of houses to talk.”

“Oh. Right,” Cas replied. “Man cave?” Cas asked, referring to the garage that the Winchesters had let Dean turn into his own private hideaway. So many times it had been a retreat for Dean and Cas… a place for them to be alone and just hang out. 

“Sounds like as good a plan as any.” Dean said, shrugging. He increased his speed, now that he was sure of where he was going.

\- - - - - 

“Door’s locked, food’s still warm, and we’re alone. Everything’s in order,” Dean announced, handing a fork to Castiel before sitting down next to him and digging into his food. 

“Great,” Cas feigned enthusiasm as he took the fork from Dean. Dean took a small sip of his Coke as Cas took a large swig, tossing back more than he should. He sputtered for a second on the carbonation, but quickly recovered. He was not looking forward to the decimation of their friendship that would occur tonight.

Dean eyed him suspiciously, noting the odd behavior that Cas was displaying that evening. “So? What did you want to talk about?” Dean asked, taking a seat on the couch next to Cas.

Castiel scooted a little further from Dean, as though that would protect him from what was to come. Dean definitely noticed that. “Well… obviously something is going on here. We’re both acting out of character and I think we need to clear the air between us before it affects our friendship.”

“Agreed,” Dean shot back, shooting a glance at Cas as he took yet another large swig of Coke. 

“So…” Castiel set his drink down, “is there anything you want to say?” he asked, putting the responsibility on Dean.

“Umm… no. I mean, not… not right now.” Dean said, trying to get out of it. 

Castiel sighed, knowing he would have to be the one to fix this. He had gotten them into this mess and it was his job to get them out. “Look Dean, that website… from earlier?” Dean nodded. “I started surfing it a couple years ago. And a few weeks back, I sent in my own secret, which has been weighing on my mind for some time.”

“Oh?” Was all Dean could manage.

“Yeah. I, uh… I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to you about it before. It’s just… well, this is something that I probably should keep to myself. But I feel guilty for not telling you. I mean, we tell each other everything. So I should tell you. I just… well, I can’t.”

“Why not, Cas? Did you do something illegal?” Dean winked, hoping to lighten the mood in the room.

“No, no,” Cas let out a small laugh, “nothing like that. It’s just… this secret could really hurt a lot of people that I care about. I just don’t know how kindly people will react to it.” Cas paused, waiting for a reaction for Dean.

“Go on,” Dean encouraged him.

“Well, I…” he scooted a little further from Dean, silently hoping that Dean didn’t notice this movement again. He did. “For a long time now, I’ve had… umm… feelings… for someone. A guy.”

“Oh! Wow!” Dean reacted with more shock than Cas had expected. Cas figured his secret was written all over him, that everyone could see right through him. But Dean’s reaction assured him that he had been hiding it better than he thought.

“Yeah.” Cas said, letting the word fall into the air and settle there, hanging between them. 

“So, are you worried that your dad’s going to be mad?” Dean asked him, shifting to look at him better. Cas felt his body tense now that Dean was looking directly at him. Dean was trying to be a good communicator but Cas felt like he was being interrogated.

“No. I… well, I mean, he’ll be mad. But it’s not really him I’m worried about. It’s,” he paused and looked at Dean. “Err… well, I mean. Crap!” Cas stood up and began pacing the floor in front of the couch. “I’m not worried about people being homophobic. I can handle taunting and bullying just fine. I mean, remember middle school? Hell, my brothers have tormented me enough over the years to make my skin thick as concrete. It’s more about what I could lose. I mean, the guy I lo-“ Cas stopped himself from saying love, “The guy I like means a lot to me. But, I just…” he rubbed his forehead and ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve been trying to fight these feelings for years. And they won’t go away. And I don’t know what to do anymore.” He sat back down on the couch facing Dean, but with plenty of space in between them. “Dean, I’m so afraid that this secret is going to get the better of me and that I’ll end up in the looney bin because it’ll break me. Or worse, that I’ll act on it and I’ll lose someone very important to me. I just… this is one of those things that you can’t escape.”

“Cas, look, let’s just talk this through. From the beginning. Maybe if I know more, I’ll be able to help you. Give you some advice.” Dean offered, not knowing what else to say.

“Okay. Sure.” Cas took a deep breath. “About four years ago, I realized that a friend of mine was… more than a friend to me. That I had come to really see this person differently. And it scared me. Not because I was feeling this way, but because I liked feeling this way. I liked dreaming about him when I went to sleep. I liked fantasizing about him when I dated Meg. It’s the reason why she and I broke up, actually. I accidentally said the guy’s name while making out with her and she was really offended.”

“Yikes!” Dean remarked.

“I know. She wasn’t mad or anything, just hurt that I would have lied to her. That’s why our break up was so friendly. She knew I was gay, so she didn't take it personally. She’s kept my secret for me, though.”

“She’s a good friend,” Dean smiled. Meg had been a good friend, a great friend actually, to both of them. Dean and Cas shared a smile for a moment before Dean’s eyebrows lifted. “So… back to this guy you’re crushing on.”

“Yeah. Ummm…. so, I always thought my feelings would go away and I would be fine. But it’s gotten stronger. And it’s like, every time I’m with this person, I want to say something. But then I think about the fact that we’re friends and he trusts me and I’m pretty sure he’s straight anyway and his dad would absolutely kill him if he wasn’t and his dad will probably ban me from seeing him if he knows I’m gay and I’m hit with this uncontrollable guilt. And I just feel like such a bad person for all of this. For hoping that he might be interested in me when I know there’s no way he ever could be. When it could hurt us both. I mean, it would be so stupid to risk losing my best friend because I can’t help falling in love with him.” 

Cas stopped and his eyes got wide. He hadn’t meant to spill that much. He had meant to keep it simple, but he just couldn’t stop bearing his soul. Now that it was out, it was like a broken dam. The waters were flowing faster than anyone could control. Cas feared the waters would drown him now.

“I gotta go,” Dean quickly stood up and headed for the door.

“But Dean… this is your house.” Castiel reminded him.

“Well, then you gotta go,” Dean replied, pacing the floor nervously.

“What? Why?” Cas was honestly confused. Cas had just poured his heart out to Dean and Dean wanted him to leave? He wasn’t going to deal with this? Cas needed his help and Dean was kicking him out. Cas couldn’t understand why Dean was doing this.

“Because… look at the position you put me in Cas! How am I supposed to keep all of this to myself?!” Dean punched the wall, a bad habit he had developed a few years back. Cas shrank sheepishly into the couch, wishing he could disappear. “Fuck! Cas! Why did you tell me all of that? How can I look at you and pretend like everything’s fine? How can I hang out with you now that I know this secret? How can I look at you and not…” his voice trailed off. He rubbed his hand through his hair and drew in a sharp breath. “You need to leave. Now.” Dean’s voice was so stern that Cas didn’t even question it. He simply stood up and walked out.

Cas walked out to the driveway and realized that Dean had picked him up, so Cas had no car. Despite the distance between their places, Cas decided to walk. There was no way he could go back in there and ask Dean for a ride. Not now. Not after what happened. 

“What did just happen?” Cas asked himself out loud. He thought back on the conversation. He hadn’t actually said Dean was the one he was in love with, though he’d hardly left much to the imagination after blurting out that he was in love with his best friend. Dean knew he was Cas’s best friend. His only best friend. 

Cas has sometimes thought that Dean might react poorly to knowing Cas was gay, but he didn’t expect that level of anger. Maybe it was because Cas liked him and Dean felt threatened? Cas didn’t take Dean for a homophobe, but he knew John had drilled it into Dean’s head that he had to be a ‘man’. A manly man. A manly man who was apparently so manly that he now hated his best friend simply because he had a crush on him. As he walked through the dark, deserted streets alone, Castiel had never felt so miserable in all of his 18 years.


	2. Memorial Day weekend, Saturday morning

SATURDAY MORNING

Cas blinked a few times, moaning in pain as he rolled over and fell off of the couch. He knew better than to sleep on that couch. Every time he did, he woke up stiff and sore. And every time, he regretted it. He didn’t bother to get up off of the floor. Instead, he looked at the TV, the DVD menu playing on a loop, and realized that he had passed out. Coming home after a long walk and crying yourself to the brink of exhaustion will do that to you. 

He laid back and rested on the hard floor. But even that made his sore muscles ache. He decided the best course of action would be a nice, hot bath. He laid there for a few more minutes, trying to muster up enough energy to move. When he finally did, his muscles punished him for his decision. He slowly made his way up the stairs and toward the bathroom.

As he lay in the hot water, letting it relax his muscles, his mind wandered back to the night before. He was still trying in vain to figure out where things went wrong. Even with his explanation that Dean was trying to be as manly as John had raised him to be, he still couldn’t understand why Dean wouldn’t want to talk about it, work through it. After all, he and Dean talked about everything. And, over the years, Dean had admitted to Cas that he wasn’t exactly a 0 on the Kinsey scale. Not that Dean would ever admit that to anyone else. But Cas knew, knew for an absolute fact, that Dean wasn’t homophobic. Maybe Dean was resentful of the fact that Cas had kept this from him for so long. Maybe he felt left out or like Cas didn’t trust him. Or maybe he was upset because Cas told his secret to the world before telling it to his best friend. 

Cas closed his eyes and tried to forget about it. His mind wouldn’t let him. His thoughts went right back to the conversation from the night before. He knew going into it that the conversation could destroy his relationship with Dean, so he shouldn’t have been surprised. But that conversation had been a lot shorter and a lot less in depth than he had imagined. Even if he had gone into it knowing that it would end badly, he was still astounded that Dean had gotten mad so quickly. He didn’t even know the whole story. Cas couldn’t imagine what Dean would say or do if he found out everything. Maybe it was best that he had kicked Cas to the curb before Cas had blurted it all out.


	3. Memorial Day weekend, Saturday afternoon

SATURDAY AFTERNOON

The next few hours were spent fixing things up around the house and taking care of projects that he had never found the energy to get around to. His father had a to-do list on the fridge, meant for the entire family, though none of the 9 kids had really ever bothered with it. Castiel found himself diligently completing items on the list. Not that he was necessarily energetic today, but he needed something to do to distract himself. He became so immersed in his work that he barely heard the knock at the front door. He paused for a second, listening closer. The second knock was much louder, more forceful. Castiel set his tools down and walked toward the door.

He opened the door to find the last person he expected to see. “About that post card you sent in…” Dean said, holding up a print out of Castiel’s card. Castiel didn’t respond, he simply stared at the paper in Dean’s hand, too numb to feel anything. Dean waited for a second for Castiel to say something. When he realized Cas wasn’t speaking up, he held the paper so he could read it. “I’m in love with my best friend, even though we’re both guys and our parents would never approve.” Dean paused and looked up. “I like the painting in the background. It’s beautiful.” 

“I, uhh…” Castiel scrambled to find the right words, but nothing came to him. He stared at the floor, unable to look Dean in the eye. “How did you know that was mine?” Castiel asked shyly.

“Cas, I want to say that I’m sorry. For last night. After you told me… what you told me…” He sighed and shifted his weight, “When I looked at that website yesterday, I thought the handwriting looked familiar. And you freaked out about the website when I first came over, so I was already suspicious. And then… when you told me… what you told me, I knew. I knew that this was your secret and I knew that you were trying to tell me. And I didn’t want to hear it.” Castiel looked up and bit his lip. He blinked away a couple tears and swallowed heavily. He looked past Dean, instead of at Dean. He couldn’t look him in the eye, not now, not anymore. “Look, can I come in?” Dean asked. 

Castiel moved back and allowed Dean enough room to come inside. Castiel turned and locked the door, as though it would matter. Dean sat down on the couch and read the post card to himself again. He looked up and addressed Castiel directly. “Cas, I don’t know what to tell you right now. I don’t know what to say to you.”

“Are you mad at me?” Castiel asked, feeling like a small child in the principal’s office.

“No, I’m not.”

“Are you disgusted?” Castiel kicked at a spot on the rug, wondering when it had become stained. Anything to distract him from what was happening to him just then.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Cas. No matter what I say, I’ll be betraying you.” Castiel tilted his head to the side and looked at Dean with a confused expression. “Cas, if I were to say that I feel the same way, all of your fears would be confirmed. Your dad would be livid! I’m sure your brothers wouldn’t be happy either. My dad would probably never let me see you again. And worst of all, I would be contributing to it. But if I said that I didn’t feel the same way, I would be lying to you. And I would never, ever lie to you Cas.” 

“You feel the same way?” Castiel said, taking a step closer. 

Dean stood up and took a step back. “We can’t. I can’t be the reason that your family is torn apart. I love you too much. I can’t put you through that.” Dean reached up to wipe away a tear that had slid out of his eyes. “But most of all, I can’t let my dad hate you. I can’t let anyone think of you as a bad person. I can’t do that to you, Cas. You mean too much to me.” Dean didn’t even bother with wiping his tears again, they were coming too quickly. 

Castiel stood there, staring at the spot where the wall met the floor, looking at the baseboard as though he would have to draw it from memory. He didn’t know what to say. He had expected Dean to react badly to finding out his secret. He had expected it to ruin everything. But the one thing he had never anticipated was that Dean would feel the same way. 

In a way, though, it had ruined everything. There they stood, both knowing the truth, both having told a secret… and yet they had nowhere to go from there. They were tortured with the truth of their mutual feelings that they could never act on. They were stuck in an impossible situation. If they got together, it would mean hurting the people they loved most, possibly getting kicked out of their houses, losing familial support just before they headed to college and needed it. 

Castiel knew family was extremely important to Dean. He wouldn’t put Dean in that position. He couldn’t do that to him, no matter how miserable it made Castiel to know that they weren’t together. John might even bar Dean from seeing Sammy, perhaps afraid that ‘the gay’ might rub off and ‘turn’ Sammy. Sammy was the single most important person in Dean’s life, even above Castiel. Castiel would never risk Dean’s relationship with his little brother.

Castiel walked over and took a seat on the recliner, opposite the couch. He nodded at the couch for Dean to have a seat as well. Dean obeyed. They sat there, not moving, not speaking for several minutes. Finally, with nothing else left to do, Cas put in a movie and hit play. He returned to the recliner and sat back.

“The Wedding Singer, huh?” Dean said with a small laugh behind his voice.

“Yeah.” Castiel said, winking at Dean. Suddenly, the tension of the past two days melted away as they lost themselves in the memory of years ago. The ‘Wedding Singer’ was the first movie they had watched together. They'd been friends since 4th grade, but it wasn't until middle school, after Castiel had been involved in a car accident and spent two days in the hospital, that the boys had hung out outside of school. While they spent more time quoting movies like ‘Dumb & Dumber’ and ‘The Big Lebowski’ when hanging out, the truth was that they both secretly considered ‘The Wedding Singer’ to be “their” movie. It had been an unspoken agreement. At first it had been “their” movie as in the movie that two best friends, two bros, shared. But tonight, it took on a whole new meaning.

Castiel stood up and dared to cross the void that separated them. He didn’t want anything happening that would hurt their families, but he couldn’t stand sitting across the room anymore. “This is my favorite par-“ Dean stopped mid-word as he noticed Cas making his way over. “What are you doing?”

“Sitting on the couch.” Castiel said innocently. It was innocent. Nothing was going to happen.

“Oh. Okay.” Dean said, pretending to turn back and watch the movie. As Cas took a seat next to him, Dean smoothly wrapped an arm around him. Castiel leaned in so that his head was resting against Dean’s shoulder as they watched the movie. 

\- - - - - 

“I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad, carry you around when your arthritis is bad…” Castiel sang quietly under his breath. Dean looked down at him, his lips mere inches from Cas’s hair. Dean could smell Cas’s shampoo, could feel his warmth. He wanted so desperately to lean down and kiss Cas, but they had agreed not to do anything. They had agreed to protect their families, to protect each other. 

“I’ll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold,” Dean sang quietly, his eyes fixed on Cas. Underneath him, Castiel smiled and looked up. Their lips were dangerously close and it took all Cas had not to lean up and kiss his best friend. 

Instead, he smiled and sang along, starting a cheesy duet. “I’ll need you, feed you, even let you hold the remote control.” 

“I like this movie,” Dean said softly. Castiel’s heart skipped a beat at the tenderness in Dean’s voice. 

“Me, too,” Castiel replied, biting his lip and looking down as a blush spread across his face.


	4. Memorial Day weekend, Saturday night

SATURDAY NIGHT

“You want to watch another one?” Castiel said, sitting up and stretching.

“Three movies? In one night? ” Dean looked at him seriously. “No way, you keep putting on chick flicks!” he added as Castiel got up to retrieve ‘The Princess Bride’ from the DVD player.

“This,” Castiel said, holding up the DVD, “is not a chick flick! There are pirates, giants, sword fights, revenge, fire, a brute squad! It’s a total guy movie!” 

“Is that what you tell Michael so he doesn’t beat you up?” Dean teased. “Look, all I’m saying is that it’s one-thirty in the morning and I’m getting tired.”

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said timidly, “I just didn’t want this night to end.”

“Who said anything about it ending?” Dean asked, getting up off of the couch and embracing Cas from behind. He rested his hands on Cas’s stomach, very aware of how close he was to breaking the rules.

“I have my tent out in the garage. We could set it up in the yard, get back to old times.” Castiel said, softly humming the tune of ‘I Wanna Grow Old With You’ as he melted in Dean’s embrace.

“I miss the good old days. Camping in the backyard, bullshitting around the fire, talking until we were exhausted. Man, we haven’t done that since freshman year.”

“Tell me about it.” Castiel agreed.

“Well, let’s go pitch a tent.” Dean said, winking. He chuckled to himself at the innuendo. 

“What’s so funny?” Cas followed Dean towards the garage. “Oh! Jeez Dean! You have a dirty mind!” 

“You have no idea,” Dean said coyly as he ducked out into the garage. Castiel had to stop and take a moment to regain composure before following his best friend out to the garage.

\- - - - -

“This is nice,” Dean whispered into Cas’s ear as he held him in his arms.

“We never did this on our campout nights before.” Castiel joked.

“Well, maybe if someone didn’t keep secrets from me, we could have done this a long time ago.” 

Castiel broke their embrace to roll over and look at Dean. “Are you serious?!” Cas still couldn’t believe that Dean shared his feelings, let alone that he would have felt this way for years.

“Look, I’ll make you a deal. Until our families come back from their respective vacations, we’re going to be totally and completely honest with each other. Agreed?” Dean looked him square in the eye.

“Agreed,” Castiel said breathlessly, wanting so badly to close the gap between their lips.

“Cas, I’ve felt this way since… well, I guess in a way I’ve felt something for you since the moment we met. But it wasn’t until after your car wreck that I realized how much I love you.”

Castiel’s eyes widened. If he was thinking of the correct car wreck, that was nearly seven years ago. And he thought four years was torture. “You mean when Balthazar wrecked the van with me in the backseat?”

“Yeah.” Dean nodded. “That was the longest forty-eight hours of my life.” Dean added, referring to the two days Castiel had been unconscious after the accident.

“My mom told me you called every hour for updates. I specifically remember my father commenting that he thought it was silly that they let an 11 year old call the hospital. I think he thought your parents were overindulging you.”

“I was so scared. I kept asking my mom if people ever lived through car wrecks. I had nightmares about you dying because that’s what I imagined happened after a car wreck. Even as young as we were, I was so afraid. Just the thought that you might…” his voice trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence.

“I’m still here, okay? I’m not going anywhere.” Castiel said, taking Dean’s hand and lacing their fingers together.

“You better not,” Dean tried to sound menacing, but it came out loving.

“Seven years, Dean? Really?” Castiel asked, rolling back over so he could be cradled in Dean’s arms again.

"Seven years, Cas.” Dean responded resting his head against Castiel’s neck and planting a chaste kiss.


	5. Memorial Day weekend, Sunday morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is what earned the "Mature" rating. Just a forewarning.

SUNDAY MORNING

Castiel woke up stiff and sore again, but this time without regret. They weren’t as young as they had been when camping together had been a regular occurrence and Castiel was sure that the ground had gotten harder in the time that had passed. He very gently and quietly stretched, so as not to wake Dean up.

“Morning, Cas,” Dean whispered in his ear.

“Did I wake you?” Castiel said, rolling over to his face his best friend.

“No, not at all. I’ve been up for hours.” Dean smiled at him.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” He practically whined. Dean just laughed and shook his head.

“You looked so peaceful, so sweet. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you long enough to wake you up.”

“I like this new spirit of honesty between us. It’s bringing out a whole new side of you that I’m really starting to enjoy.” Castiel said, rubbing his thumb along Dean’s jaw.

“Yeah, well, we have to be careful about this. It’s only for this weekend.” Dean said, tousling Castiel’s hair before sitting up and stretching. 

Castiel sat up alongside him. “I was thinking Dean… when we go off to college in the fall. What do we do then? I mean, we're going to different colleges. We'll be apart for the first time since 4th grade. We can't really be together then,” Castiel's voice lowered shyly, "but do you think we might be able to be together in college? Long distance, I mean."

“Well, we’ll see what happens,” Dean replied. Castiel turned away, misunderstanding Dean’s meaning. “Cas, look at me.” Dean gently grabbed Castiel’s jaw and turned his face back so they were looking eye to eye. “What I meant was that we’ll be on our own and our families won’t be any wiser. Like this weekend, if they’re not around to catch us, then there’s nothing to worry about.” 

Castiel smiled and leaned in to hug Dean. Dean pulled him tighter to him, wishing that the hug were a kiss. Wishing their night could have been spent exploring new territory, instead of holding back and following the rules. He had loved the previous night, relishing every second of its beauty. But he wanted more. He had wanted more for years. “Come on, Cas. Let’s get out of here.” Dean said, crawling toward the door of the tent.

\- - - - - 

“Open up the hangar for the airplane!” Castiel teased, flying a fork towards Dean. Dean cocked an eyebrow and shook his head. “Come on, it’s fun.” Castiel laughed, eating the forkful of eggs himself. 

“Do you want some juice?” Dean asked flatly.

“Uh, sure,” Castiel’s giddiness deflated for a second as he wondered what emotion was behind Dean’s words. He looked at Dean quizzically as he took the jug of juice from him and set it on the counter. Dean took two glasses of juice from the cabinet and filled them up to the brim. “Those are a little full.” Castiel eyed the glasses.

“Don’t worry,” Dean said, coming closer and whispering in Castiel’s ear, “if you spill any juice, I promise to lick it off of you.” 

A smile tugged at the corners of Castiel’s mouth as his giddiness returned. He playfully grabbed one of the juice glasses and tipped it, purposefully spilling a bit onto himself. As promised, Dean leaned in and seductively licked the juice from Castiel’s neck. “Mmmm,” Cas moaned at the sensation of Dean’s tongue on his neck. Dean suddenly pulled back and tensed up.

“We shouldn’t do that, Cas,” he said quickly.

“What? Why not?” Cas said, the giddy feeling leaving once more.

“Because it’s a tease. We shouldn’t start down that road if we can’t finish the journey.” Dean said, leaning against the counter and smiling apologetically.

“Of course,” Castiel said, turning back to the stove and flipping the bacon.

“Please don’t be upset with me, Cas. Just because I’m not doing that doesn’t mean that I’m not dying to do it.” Castiel still didn’t turn around, choosing instead to hide his smile from Dean. “Cas, please. Don’t make this any harder than it is. I want you so much, you have to know that by now. But we can’t. We know we can’t. We agreed that we can’t.”

“Shhh,” Castiel said, turning and going over to his best friend. He pulled Dean into a gentle hug. “I know. I’m not upset with you. This isn’t your fault,” he whispered in Dean’s ear, so quietly that it was barely a whisper, more of a breath. 

After they parted, Castiel went back to fixing breakfast. No more words were exchanged, even when Dean headed upstairs for a shower. As Castiel listened to the water running through the pipes, he thought about what it would be like to join Dean in that shower. What it would feel like to touch parts of Dean that he hadn’t yet seen. He thought about what it would feel like to have Dean’s warm breath on his cold skin, mixing with the water droplets and sending chills through his veins. He pictured himself lathering Dean’s body with soap, his hands lingering a little in places that they shouldn’t. 

He smiled to himself as he took the cooked bacon out of the pan and replaced it with raw bacon. As the meat sizzled in the pan in front of him, Castiel felt the pressure building in his pants, begging for release. As soon as he heard the water shut off, Cas turned off the stove and left the breakfast foods for later. He walked up to his room and waited for Dean to emerge from the bathroom.

\- - - - -

Wrapped in only a towel, Dean walked out and stopped in his tracks. His eyes followed a path from Castiel’s eyes, to his chin, further down to his bare chest, past his stomach muscles, down to his midsection, which was clad only in a towel. Dean licked his lips and drew in a breath. Without a word, Castiel moved past him and into the bathroom, leaving Dean standing there, stunned and aroused. 

In the shower, Castiel let the warm water rush over his bare skin. He simply breathed in and reached down, allowing his body the release it so needed. He wanted so desperately to invite Dean in to join him. He wanted to feel Dean’s body against his own. But he dared not cross that line. He knew what the risk was and he knew that they would never put the other in that situation. Instead, Cas was left to imagine that his own hand was Dean’s and that the warmth of the water was mixing with the warmth of Dean’s breath. 

After finishing out his erotic, albeit solo, shower, Castiel got dressed and made his way downstairs into the kitchen. Dean had finished making breakfast and had it waiting on the table for him. Cas sat down across from Dean and happily ate, wishing that every morning could be this wonderful. He smiled at Dean, who returned a smile through a mouthful of eggs. Castiel took a sip of his orange juice and licked a few droplets that remained on his lips. 

“Tease,” Dean said with a wink.


	6. Memorial Day weekend, Sunday afternoon

SUNDAY AFTERNOON

“Wow! What is this place?” Castiel asked, hopping out of the car and looking around. 

“I found it a few years ago on a random drive.” Castiel looked at him questioningly. “Dad and I got in a fight and I just hopped in the car and drove. Luckily I have a great memory, so I didn’t get lost trying to find my way back home.” He chuckled. He walked around the side of the car and grabbed Castiel’s hand. “Come on, there’s more.”

Dean led Cas down a grass trail that wound into some woods. Whatever this park was, it seemed like a secret that only Dean had discovered. The grounds were well taken care of, which was the only sign that any human had ever set foot in the place. No trash in the trash bins, no footprints in the dirt, no people picnicking on such a warm, lovely day. 

“Seriously Dean, what is this place?” Castiel asked as they headed into the wooded part of the park.

“It’s a nature preserve. That’s why the path is just mowed grass and not a paved path. And the only immovable structure is the parking lot in the front.”

“Wow! I never knew this was here. This is so beautiful.” Castiel remarked, looking up at the trees. Sunlight poked through the treetops in a few choice spots, as though fighting to get closer to Earth. But the lush, thick canopy wouldn’t allow it, so the sunlight resigned itself to a few small holes through which it could shine. 

As they walked onto a small, wooden bridge that guided them over a creek, Dean stopped and pulled Cas over to the side of the bridge. They leaned forward, watching the water flow lightly underneath them. 

“This place makes me want to write a song,” Castiel remarked.

“This place makes me want to kiss you,” Dean admitted, quickly adding, “I won’t, though.” Castiel put an arm around Dean’s waist and pulled him closer. Dean reached up and wrapped an arm around Castiel’s shoulders. They stood there for a few, serene moments before Dean pulled back and grabbed Castiel’s hand again. “Come on, there’s some place I need to show you.” He pulled Cas further into the woods.

They emerged from the woods into a thick, green field, freshly mowed. The field seemed to go on forever. Castiel walked a ways before stopping and spinning once, to see it from every angle. “This is amazing,” Cas whispered, more to himself than to Dean.

“It’s my thinking spot,” Dean admitted.

“Thinking spot?” Castiel let his eyes dance over the field in front of them. A couple of flowers dared to speckle the grass, breaking up the starkness of the greenery.

“Yeah. When I first came here, I was so angry from my fight with Dad. But when I walked out to this field and saw nothing but beauty and nature, a calm came over me. It’s hard to be mad in a place as untouched as this.” Castiel nodded in agreement. 

Dean came up behind Cas and wrapped his arms around him. He rested his hands on Castiel’s chest. Castiel brought a hand up to rest on top of Dean’s. Dean held Cas, swaying in the wind and hummed a tune that he improvised on the spot. 

Castiel closed his eyes and listened to the melody, etching into his memory for later. Dean leaned in and rested his chin on Cas’s shoulder, continuing his humming next to Castiel’s ear. Castiel hummed along, surprised at how well their tunes were matching up. As the tune ended and their hums faded, they fell into a comfortable silence that spoke volumes without saying a word. Words were unnecessary, they could feel each other’s presence, hear each other’s breathing, listen to each other’s heartbeat.

\- - - - -

They were unaware of time as they stood in that field. For them, time was stopped; they were frozen inside that moment. But around them, the sun was setting and the light was dimming. The air turned to a cool summer evening breeze, letting them know with each light gust that time was slipping away from them. That their perfect day was quickly turning to evening and that, soon enough, they would have to leave this place. 

“Park closes at dusk,” Dean whispered, the first words spoken in hours. 

A tear ran down Castiel’s cheek. “We wait for years for this moment and we’re only given a few hours? It’s not fair.” 

“You’re such a softie,” Dean said, breaking the embrace. He walked to the front of Castiel and gently kissed his cheek where the tear was making its path. The tear went from Castiel’s cheek to Dean’s lips. Castiel pulled back and smiled softly at him.

“No one’s ever kissed my tears away before,” Castiel said, fully aware of how cheesy those words sounded.

“Well I don’t plan on doing it again,” Dean replied. Castiel’s expression sank. “I don’t plan on ever making you cry again,   
Cas.” Dean added sweetly, taking Castiel’s hand and kissing it delicately. Castiel’s face lit up with joy as another tear rolled down his cheek. “Please don’t do that,” Dean begged him, barely able to breathe under the crushing weight of the sorrow that was filling them.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said, looking at the ground. “It’s just… today was so perfect, so beautiful. And it has to end. And tomorrow, our families come back and this is all over.”

“Hey!” Dean snapped at him. Castiel jerked his head up, a bit shocked. “This is not over.” Dean shook his head. “Never. Regardless of our situations, I will always love you. No matter what lies we have to feed the world, we’ll both always know the truth underneath it all. And this is not the last moment of perfection that we will be granted in this life, okay? So don’t you start crying and don’t you dare mourn the end of this. Because nothing is ending. In fact, it’s just beginning.” Dean said, grabbing Castiel’s shirt in his fists and pulling him into a fierce, strong hug. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean tightly, afraid that anything less would allow Dean to slip out of his grasp. They held each other in a tight embrace for several minutes before letting their bodies relax. 

\- - - - -

They made their way back to the path through the woods and toward the parking lot. They wanted to make sure to respect the sanctity of the nature preserve, as well as avoid being seen here. This place had become, in a few short hours, a sacred place for both of them. It represented a place where they could be alone, a place where they didn’t have to hide, a utopia for them. They wanted nothing to spoil that. 

“Timber,” Castiel mumbled to himself as they drove out of the main entrance.

“What?” Dean asked, turning onto the road and heading for home.

“Timber. The name of the nature preserve,” Castiel explained.

“Timber, huh?” Dean said with a smirk, taking Castiel’s hand. 

“Yeah…” Castiel smiled, “Timber.” Once again, words were unnecessary. They both understood what ‘Timber’ now meant: it was a code. ‘Timber’ didn't mean falling for each other; that had happened a long time ago. 'Timber' referred to happiness, perfection, utopia. ‘Timber’ was code for ‘I love you’.


	7. Memorial Day weekend, Sunday night

SUNDAY NIGHT

“What are you doing?” Castiel asked, lifting his head off of the window and looking around. Dean had pulled into a hotel parking lot and parked.

“I can’t sleep in that tent another night,” he shifted in his seat and faced Cas. “I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. And we’re not going to cuddle up in either of our beds and risk getting caught if our families come home early. So no tent, no your place, no my place, that leaves one option: a hotel.”

“Oh, I see.” Castiel replied, sitting up and opening the door.

\- - - - -

After checking in and getting their keys, they made their way up to their room. “Your dad is going to see that transaction on your credit card statement,” Castiel said, referring to Dean’s choice to pay for the room with his parents’ credit card.

“I know.” Dean said nothing more. He knew he would find a way to explain it, to explain why he had paid for a room at a hotel. His parents would, of course, assume that he bought it to have sex with some chick. Maybe Dean would simply agree to that, to avoid having to explain the truth. He didn’t want to think of how his father would react if he found out the truth. As the elevator doors opened up, Dean put the thought out of his mind and made his way to their room.


	8. Memorial Day weekend, Monday morning

MONDAY MORNING

This time it was Castiel who awoke first. As he lay there, watching the gentle rise and fall of Dean’s chest, he understood why Dean hadn’t woke him in the tent. Watching Dean sleep brought about a calm that Castiel hadn’t felt in a long time. Just being there in that moment felt like home, like the only place that Castiel belonged. 

“I’ll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold,” Cas sang quietly, quietly enough that Dean remained asleep. “I’ll need you, feed you, even let you hold the remote control. So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink…” A tear made its way down Castiel’s cheek as he stopped singing. “We won’t have a kitchen sink together, will we? I can’t do our dishes,” Castiel whispered, a whisper lighter than air. “We don’t have a future. Your dad will never allow it. We’ll only have stolen moments, in secret. I can’t do it, Dean. I can’t be just a shameful secret that you have to hide away. And I won’t ruin your relationship with your family either. I won’t be the man who grows old with you.”

\- - - - -

Dean woke up with a smile. The entire weekend had been a blur of emotions, too many to sort out. But the past two days had been perfection. Dean fought back sadness as reality sank in. He knew that their families would be home today. He knew it would end. And nothing would ever compare to the beauty and serenity of this weekend. Dean smiled and rolled over, reaching out for Castiel. But his arm hit air and landed squarely on the bed. 

Dean took a second to stare at the bed before figuring that Cas was probably taking a shower. Dean got up, an ornery grin spreading across his face, and made his way to the bathroom. He knew they had set guidelines and rules, but what would one little shower hurt? He slowly opened the bathroom door, expecting to catch Castiel naked and wet. Instead he saw nothing. He stood in the doorway of the bathroom, confused. He stepped back into the hotel room and looked around. Castiel’s things were gone. Castiel was gone. He had left. Without saying goodbye.

Dean made his way to the window and looked out. His car was still in its spot right out front. But where was Cas? How had he gotten home? There was nothing, not even a note. Dean’s heart sank. The perfect weekend… ruined by the most imperfect ending. He had expected to have a precious few more hours with Cas. Instead, he had woken up alone. Castiel had left him. 

He went to his cell and dialed that old familiar number. One ring. “Come on, Cas, pick up.” Two rings. “Man, answer your phone.” Three rings. “Dammit, Cas! Pick up!” A fourth ring and then *click* voicemail. 

“Hi, you’ve reached Castiel’s cell phone! Unfortunately, I’ve fallen down a well and get no reception down here. But if you leave your name and number, the firemen who find my phone will call you and let me know you called. Thanks! By the way, could you toss me a rope?” The familiar chuckle of Castiel’s laugh came just before the beep.

“Cas… it’s me… look, we both know why I’m calling. So just call me back. Please?” Dean paused as his lip quivered. His voice broke as he spoke the next few words. “You could have left a note man.” With that, Dean snapped his phone shut. He contemplated hitting another wall, but didn’t want to pay for damages. Instead, he walked over to the bed and wailed on it as the tears came to his eyes. 

\- - - - -

As Dean made his way home, he was tempted to stop by Castiel’s house. But what good would that do? Dean would only pick a fight and cause a rift between them. And he didn’t feel like fighting. They had agreed not to have sex; and fighting just wasn’t worth it if you couldn’t have make up sex. 

As he pulled into his driveway and saw lights on in his house, it hit him. Leaving without saying goodbye was the only way to end that weekend. They couldn’t stand there and try to say goodbye face to face, both of them longing for more and wondering if they had time for it. They couldn't do that at the motel because they'd never leave. And they couldn’t do that in front of their families because they would have to hide just how painful that goodbye truly was. Saying goodbye in front of everyone was more than they could bear. A smile danced in Dean’s eyes and pulled at his lips as he realized that Castiel had ended the weekend in the most loving way possible: by walking away.

“I love you too, Cas,” Dean whispered before hopping out of his car and heading into his house.


	9. The following Saturday

THE FOLLOWING SATURDAY

“Post Secret  
13345 Copper Ridge Rd.  
Germantown, MD 20874,” Dean scrawled on the back of the drawing he’d done. The drawing depicted his vision of heaven: holding Cas in the middle of that meadow just a week ago. 

They hadn’t spoken much since the long weekend, only exchanged smiles in the hallways at school. They both knew how hard it would be if they did talk. But the silence wasn’t awkward. Unbearable because they wanted to be with each other, yes, but not awkward. They both knew what the other’s silence meant.


	10. August

THREE MONTHS LATER

Castiel hid underneath the back deck, away from the swarm of relatives here for his going away party. He knew he should be making small talk with everyone, since this was the last time he’d see most of them before heading off to college in two days. But he had to see it again. He had saved his favorite Post Secret of the summer onto his laptop and he just needed to look at it again.

‘This was the happiest moment of my life.’ Cas sighed happily as he read the words Dean had written on the drawing. “Mine, too, Dean. Mine, too.” 

And though he hadn’t spoken to Dean all summer, this postcard was enough to get him through. Cas kissed two fingers and placed them on the screen, touching them to the drawing-version of Dean. “I love you,” he whispered.


	11. Two days later

TWO DAYS LATER

Dean walked down the dorm hallway, apprehensive about meeting his new roommate. He’d been told upon arrival that there had been a change and that they’d placed him in a different room than he had been assigned. He had kind of been looking forward to rooming with Chuck. The dude seemed pretty strange, but easy to get along with. 

Chuck had added Dean on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Tumblr, Kik, and Twitter. Dean thought it was overkill at first, but once he realized that Chuck was extremely socially awkward, Dean relaxed. The kid just needed to connect digitally because he had trouble connecting face-to-face. That didn’t bother Dean one bit. In fact, Dean found Chuck to be endearing. Which is why the last-minute roommate change had bothered him so much. 

\- - - - -

When he finally found the correct room, Dean put his key into the lock and opened the door to his dorm for the first time. He opened the door and looked at the small space, hardly enough room for one person, let alone two. How on earth would he survive sharing such close quarters with a stranger? 

“Hello, Dean.” Dean turned to see the closet door closing and Castiel standing in front of him. “Or should I say, ‘Hello, roomie’?” Cas winked at him.

Elated, Dean dropped his bags and threw himself at Castiel. Cas laughed in sheer delight and pulled Dean into his arms, finally allowing their lips to meet. It was their first kiss. And it had been a long time coming. “Timber,” Cas whispered in Dean’s ear as they paused to take a breath. 

It took him a moment to understand, but then Dean smiled wide and said, “Timber!” right back before pulling Castiel in for another kiss.


End file.
